Have you ever stopped to think where are you going in life? Have you has so much anger or misery within yourself that sometimes you tend to vent it out on people unintentionally, even to your loved ones? Or have you ever wonder why sometimes you’re not happy with your life?
Those are just a few examples of the devil whispering to us every day, every hour, every second. Now, I’m not trying to proclaim any religious teachings here but let me share with you what my dear friend Neya has taught me. And it did hit me really knocked some sense into my head.
I am a very cranky person. And by cranky I mean I get mad easily. And depending on how much of that level of tolerance I have, I get so mad that sometimes I will just throw my nasty attitude to Faireen. Don’t get me wrong Faireen has been really great at sucking in most of my behaviour. As I have done so, I might add. Who would stand someone breaking up with you (for my case, 5 times heh) for unreasonable reasons just for some kind of justification to please yourself? Yup that’s me. Sikit sikit je nak break and yeah dari dulu tak berubah. I’m that childish. But ever since I’m with Faireen, syukur alhamdulilah he guided and taught me how to be a better woman. At the same time, I nurtured him to be a better man too.
The recent argument me and himhad was so bad that Neya pinpointed me something I just realised. Why have I always been so angry with myself or people around me? All these while I have been stepping all over his head while he was keeping everything in. And I ask myself, asal aku dia tak boleh accept aku for aku, mesti ke aku kene berubah abeh kalau kahwin tak kan dia tak boleh take it?
& what Neya told me next made me speechless. Yes, he accepted every bit of my flaws. But sometimes it does not mean he will forever have to suffer that ugly side of me right? Why can’t I change and be the better woman instead for your own self? And she advised me to keep istighfar everytime. And to change the way I speak, everything doesnt always have to end with fuck, siaaa or shit or whatever word I always curse with haha. And she reminded me to pray, that’s the only solution. If not now, then when?
Maybe the reason why relationships don’t workout for you is because you have you need to fix your relationship with Allah first.
So after the argument, I couldn’t pray due to my period so the next step I did was to take the wudhu with the intention of praying. And she gave me this doa to soothe my broken heart. And Alhamdulilah I did feel better. Amazing how a doa can work for you.
Thank you to a few of you who have always had my back no matter what, I wouldn’t know what I do without my loved ones.
And to my sayang. I know you would read this pasal you suke stalk I like a curious boyfriend always would hahaha, thank you for staying and not giving up. I love you baby.